Loquacious Magpies

I was awakened today by my two daughters. The story I was told was that Allison, my three-year old, intentionally bit Emmi, my five year old. Emmi turned around and put her foot right in Ally’s face. From Emmi’s face, I could tell she was lying about her sister biting her. So I called her out on it and told her to get in her room for lying to me. At which point she said, “No , I will not get in my room. I hate you. I am a woman and I can do whatever I want.”

We do not use the word hate in our house. We have talked about how it is a very strong word that can really hurt people’s feelings. Normally, I would be very upset with this statement. Normally, I would get very angry with her, which ultimately was the anger and disappointment I felt in myself for somehow being responsible for bringing hate into my daughter’s life. I would normally feel hurt and saddened that maybe I was someone to hate. Maybe my daughter saw something I didn’t. But not this time.

This time, I stopped. I took a deep breath. I embraced how I felt, but went one step further. I allowed myself to think about this situation a different way, even if it was just for a moment. I thought about something You had said to me a couple of weeks ago. You said that Emmi and I are very much in tune, in sync together. As much as I know how to soothe and upset her, she also knows the same of me. This time, she knew exactly what to do to get my individual attention, whether positive or negative. Her goal was to be engaged in something with me, an argument would do fine. And why not, isn’t an argument what I would do with her if I was upset with her. She knows that when I am passionate about something, and want to let the world know, I will engage someone anyway I can. I had to look within myself for the answer. I had to understand that my daughter didn’t hate me. She was me!!!

As I have rarely done in the past, I ignored the statement. I let it go. I spoke to Ally about how she was feeling and comforted her. Emmi remained in there watching , and as hard as it was for me not to engage her in my normally unproductive manner, I gave her no attention.

After about 15 minutes, I asked Emmi why she told me she hated me. Her first response was, “ You told me to go in my room and said I was a liar.” I couldn’t believe that was what she was upset about. It wasn’t whether she had been bitten or not. It was my reaction to her news. I told I understood the reason she was mad, but why did she want to hurt me with her words? After a couple of seconds she simply said “I’m sorry” and gave me a hug and kiss. I knew she understood. As did I.

Forever Your Friend,
Tara