Loquacious Magpies

Dear Bess,

I think you’re right, we all want to be taken care of like an infant sometimes.  I know that there are definitely times I’d like someone to baby me.  When I’m taking care of Lily, I comfort her when she cries, I talk to her, feed her, change her, and love her.  I am in tune with her needs and I try my best to give her want she needs at the time.  When she cries, whether out of hunger, tiredness, or pain, I want to be there to make it all better.

So when other people tell me to let her cry or just sit there and let her cry, it hurts me.  First off, why would you let this helpless little person be upset when you could help her.  And second of all, why do we need to let anyone suffer?  My husband loves to say, “It’s fine, she won’t remember any of this.”  That may be true, but is that why we help others?  So that they can be appreciative?  I don’t care if she doesn’t remember any of the things I do for her, because I will remember.  I will remember that I was always there for Lily when she needed comfort.  I will remember that Jesse was always capable of letting her cry until she exhausted herself.  I will remember.

And maybe I take some of that personally too.  If he cared more, he would do anything in his power to help her.  If he cared more about me, he would do anything in his power to take care of me when I needed it.  I’m sure he has his reasons, but I don’t always know what they are.  But I do know that they are his issues preventing him from letting himself be closer to me.  It’s not me.  I know he loves me, but when I take stuff personally I forget.  I isolate myself and make sure ” I take care of myself because no one else will.”

I’m done being alone.  I’m done doing it all by myself.  I want to be taken care of.  I want other people to help me when it’s hard to help myself.  I’m done closing myself off to others because I’m hurt.  I’m done with it.  I’m ready to just be happy with me.

Forever Your Friend,

Tara