Loquacious Magpies

How much control do we really have?

I am a control freak.  I admit it, openly.  I like things to be predictable.  I like to know what, how, and when things will happen.  I am used to being the puppeteer who orchestrates the things in my life….and others lives too, sometimes.  I tend to look at things logically and fit them into some kind of puzzle in my head.

However, I am really trying to let go of some of that need for control and just learn to go with the flow.  It seems that my third daughter, in utero, is going to help me do that.  As Bess mentioned, I was admitted to the maternity ward this past weekend.  There was no doubt that I was leaving that hospital with my new daughter.  If you go in, you come out with a baby.  That’s how this labor thing works, right?  I mean it happened with the other two, so this must be the same.  Oh, if only I knew at the time.  After 10 hours of on and off contractions, that kept getting more intense, all of a sudden it came to a stop.  Nothing.  Then waiting and waiting for them to start up again.  But nothing.  Ok, so then I’ll just get induced, I’m due in 2 weeks anyway.  Everything is still ok, I’m still leaving the hospital with my baby.  Wrong again.  The doctor doesn’t recommend it and I am sent home.  What?????  This was definitely not part of any of my plans on how I was having this baby.

So after going home, sleeping for most of the day, and eating, I was almost ready to deal with this.  Ok, maybe not yet.  But soon.  After a day, I was ready to talk to my husband and Bess and my family.  Jesse and I talked about why we think she didn’t come yet.  Bess and I talked about it too.  Because I remain a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  So there definitely a reason for this too.  Jesse and I needed a little more time to get ready for her.  We need to be in a good place individually and as a  couple.  Bess reminded me of her birth story and how wonderful things turned out when things went anything but as planned.

So now my head is in a better place.  I’m trying to let go of needing to know how and when she’s coming.  I’m trying to take each day as it comes and just be.  Go with the flow.  I’m trying…….but I still wouldn’t mind knowing.

Forever Your Friend

Tara